Please do not read this until after you have read “True Identity.”
The previous chapter on True Identity was aimed at exhorting each “individual” to seek and discover their True Identity, by means of their Creator’s input, and a recognition of who He has created them to be. And I thought that was where the topic was to conclude; But it so happened, that as I was proofing that chapter for this book, I Was Led to now take the concept of discovering one’s “True Identity” a step further… and will speak of “Couples” … and of “Marriage” …and the identity God gives to Couples as One Flesh…which is in itself “an identity” isn’t it (smile). As with any revelation, the Spirit is gracious to build concept upon concept, truth upon truth…that we may all gain understanding… So, I will begin with some godly counsel that immediately comes to mind.
Believers, who are single, please allow God to establish your true identity prior to selecting a mate. You must know “who you are” to know if you’ll “fit together”. There is a danger of the someone telling you “Who You’re Not” if you’re with someone that you’re not meant to be with. I’ve experienced it, and I’ve seen it… so prayerfully consider this counsel, okay?
Part of the reason is that you must “love yourself” and “discover your own value” in God, so you won’t fall into a trap of letting “that other person” give you value…or rather, define your value. You see, the danger is… that they can then “take your value away” … and leave you devastated. They can de-value you.
But, if you have love, within yourself, for yourself and for God, and your own identity is clear to you, you can then love freely and fully!
I’ve seen many beautiful young ladies… unaware of their value to God, and not yet having established their own ideas, interests, or even personality… who just had a desire to “be loved and accepted” … fall into a trap. Without their True Identity established within them, they accepted the first man to show them any affection or attention! Many, later, became trapped with a spouse that would control them, or abuse them, or tell them horrible things about themselves until they had no self-esteem, and no identity of their own! They had lost “themselves”. They “received” what their abusive boyfriend or husband “told” them…about themselves…about who they were…which wasn’t true. They received a lie. They were de-valued. Furthermore, “as a couple”, they’d never know the joy of God’s leading them together, because with his de-valuing her, she had no opinion or say. She couldn’t be who she really was in God. Her true identity was “vanquished” by the Enemy!
I’ve seen many a young man, who had the world as their oyster, unaware of their own value to God and his plan for them, get together with a lady who, on the outside, looked alluring and what his flesh desired, who then married her and ended up with someone bossy and controlling, selfish unto narcissism, or just outright rebellious against any plan He felt God had given him, and therefore them, as a couple. So, guess what?… they, too, lost their True Identity…and became less than God planned for them to be! They’d take three steps forward and four steps back! Making no progress through life. The man would become bitter and angry… and eventually, giving up his dreams in the end…along with his desire to fight with a quarrelsome wife. The man didn’t have a clue who he was created to be in God before involving himself in a serious relationship, so then he gave too much power to the girlfriend that came along to give him any attention or support. The woman then “gave him his identity” …he becomes what she wanted him to be, rather than what God wanted him to be, and this was the way of Disaster! He too was de-valued. Take note of what Delilah did to Samson! Take note of Psalm 4-5, and type of woman Proverbs 5 warns men about. Worldly women know how to allure men for their selfish ends. Christian men need to look for Christian women…a mate who God can speak to on his behalf…a mate that can support him in the way God leads him and them to go!
These observations are shared, so that you will realize the “importance” – if you are single – of being Led by God into any type of relationship… as a couple.
It must be God’s way – or you’ll head the wrong way.
Fortunately, we, as Believers, do have The Holy Spirit! He is faithful, when listened to, to lead us toward someone, or away from someone, who comes near as a potential mate.
Let me encourage you singles, by sharing about my own recent courtship. I was a widow for five years after my previous husband David died of rectal cancer, yet God many times, and in many ways, told me that a new husband would come into my life. I just didn’t know how long a wait I had or who he might be. Yet, I was “anticipating” this man and my senses were alert. I let it be known that “I was available”, too, when God told me to! Haha!
When I met my husband Leonard, in early 2014, and we went out to eat a time or two, I knew he was “interested”, and “pursuing” and therefore, I inquired of the Lord. Within the week, and before the next “date” we were to have, the Lord gave me a vision of “two whole sticks of butter melting together at one side to Become One “more substantial” stick of butter. (I literally saw in my mind’s eye, two whole sticks of butter…moving together…and melting ever-so-slightly along one of their long sides, to become one larger stick. They melted together seamlessly! i.e., there was then no evidence that there had ever been two sticks; There was now only one big one!)
I realized, upon receiving that vision, that I was being Led by the Spirit, and He was revealing to me that Leonard was “whole”, and so was I, in God’s own eyes, so then God could unite us and use us for His purposes… and in a more substantial way than we could be used as our individual selves. I was so excited! This was a great gift to me, as far as His Leading… for it did indeed affect me greatly, and how I allowed myself to “melt into Leonard” and his life. All my walls came down, for I knew “The One” God would bring would love and accept me as I was! The Spirit further instructed me to “be without pretense” and I was honest about everything in my life from the get-go. I also had liberty to embrace the idea of Leonard as a potential mate and accept him for who he was, without fear or suspicion. I felt “free” to allow Leonard to lead us just as fast or as slow as He felt comfortable, throughout our courtship! Well, we eloped in May, just five months after we met, so he didn’t waste any time! (Ha!Ha!) God, you see, also made it clear to him that I was to be his bride! Therefore, we figured, why wait? (smile)
The Holy Spirit led each of us individually!
We knew that we knew!
This was how God could bring us together!!
We were both under his Lordship! What an awesome place to be! He could lead us both…right into one another’s lives!! And it was incredible having Him lead!
Singles, I share this, because God can be as clear to you as he was to me and Leonard, when you meet your Mr. Right or Miss Right.
In fact, let me tell you of my own parents. My father, now 90, tells his testimony to this day, that when he came home from Bible College one weekend, his little sister brought home some girlfriends (they were teens) to work on a project. When he saw my mom standing in the doorway, God gave him a “knowing” and a voice within him said, “You’re going to marry that girl someday.” He “knew” she was “the one”. Long story short, they married right after my mom graduated high school, and they have been happily married for 68 years glorious years now, serving the Lord every step of the way! They came to know God’s plan for them as a couple, because God was able to lead them into marriage individually.
God will do the same for all Christian Singles. Just inquire continually along life’s way…especially when there are sparks! For, yes, he does lead couples by their having that very important ingredient too! (smile) It is just not the “only” way.
Proverbs 30:18-19
There be three things which are too wonderful for me… Yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; The way of a serpent upon a rock; The way of a ship in the midst of the sea; And the way of a man with a maid.
Courtship is one of those amazingly wonderful things that we marvel at. Amen?!
We don’t really understand what makes the attraction between a man and a woman, but I’d like to think that it is an amazing mystery of love and grace when it comes to Christian couples being brought together. God is in the mix! Hallelujah! Scripture tells us marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church, so we know it’s a good thing! Amen?!
Girls and Ladies… Let the man be the pursuer…it’s His role… just as Christ leads the Church, so man leads the woman. Then, inquire of God when you know someone is interested. It will save a great deal of heartache along the way! You won’t get hurt or rejected by trying to get the attention of a man whom God has not chosen. Keep your focus on the Lord! Yet stay ready, okay? Esther had beauty treatments to prepare her for her man for a whole year! So yes, we know that being attractive, dressing in a feminine way, and attempting to be as pretty as you can does matter to attract Mr. Right. And yet, flaws and all, Song of Solomon lets us know that a man can and will deeply love a woman, flaws and all, when she is to be His woman! (smile) Back to Esther…God knew Pharoah was “going to like what he saw” for he is the one that brought Esther to him. (smile) Your man will like what he sees too! He will pursue and take the lead, so “give him responsiveness” that you too are interested, as God reveals him to you.
And Young men and Men… You’d best let the woman know your real self so she knows if she can deal with you or not. You have preparation to do too! For YES, God does “prepare you” for your “intended mate”, as well, in his divine plan. Let him, the Lord, remain your focus as you pursue his plan for your life. He will intercept you with His choice of woman. You won’t miss her. I promise! Look at Moses! He was given Zipporah for a wife, who was fiercely devoted to her husband, even though we know in his busyness he probably wasn’t able to give her attention all the time. And did you know that she even saved Mose’s life from death by an angel, so he’d be obedient to God and able to fulfill his calling? So men, if you meet a Christian woman, and she demands a lot from you, best keep in mind, she may be the one to bring you into your own calling! Men need their helpmates! Amen! But marry her, don’t devalue her by “taking her” and “living with her”, without committing to her. If she is “the one” make it legal so God can bless your union.
Note: God doesn’t need a lot of time to melt hearts together once he establishes your own individual True Identity! Work on that first!
Trust Him, and you’ll see! Leonard knew who he was, and I knew who I was… this is why we could also know when we found “the right one” in each other.
When He brings couples together… He will be “leading both of them”!!
Important to Note: If the Holy Spirit is not “the lead” in both of your lives… Do not come together! I’m talking to single Believers in Christ here. If one of you is in The World System, and one of you is in The Kingdom… you’re not going to be blessed until that changes. This is why God so graciously warns believers:
2 Corinthians 6:14
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?”
Wow, those are contrasts, aren’t they…
Heed the warning…
Then, if you do it God’s Way, your marriage can then become His, you become One flesh, and God will also bring True Identity to you AS A Couple. Then what God hath joined together let not man put asunder. Amen!
Look at Jesus’s exact words of Matthew 19:4-6 and we know God’s perfect marriage plan:
“Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
When a man and a woman come together in marriage, God sees them no longer as two – but as One. Jesus makes a point of saying this twice even…making his point! One Flesh means others think of you as one, not two. (Yes, indeed, just like my vision of the two sticks of butter! Becoming One! I love how awesome the Holy Spirit is at revealing truth! I would have never imagined it in a million years! Haha!)
Our friends think “Leonard and Beth”, and those who know my parents think of them as Bernie and Donna. Why? Because we are AS One Flesh. This is God’s way!
So, because you are now seen AS ONE – Once married, God will be giving true identity to you AS A Couple. He will lead you together, in unity. He won’t lead one of you to San Francisco, and the other to Africa… unless temporary, for example a short-term missions trip or carrying for a dying loved one in another state. No… He’ll lead you together, in unity. He won’t lead one to go to one church, and the other to go to a church elsewhere. No! He will lead you together in unity. If you’re not “in unity” then there is a problem!
Because God will begin to lead you AS a couple, once married, don’t get married if you have your agenda and he has his. It won’t work. One has to adapt to the other! And women, you have free will, when a man asks you, to say no if you’re concerned whether you can adapt to him; because you are the one that must adapt to your husband. He is the head in your marriage in the eyes of Almighty God. There can’t be two heads, although love and mutual respect in decision making are also required in his eyes. Better to find out before marriage, if your True Identity is asking separate things of yourselves. But after you’ve made the commitment to marriage, then if you don’t agree on something… STOP… and inquire of the Lord, praying together for God’s direction. You see, the delay is a sort of checks and balances to keep you from error. If you go to do something, and your spouse is not “agreed” – then don’t do it! This goes both ways. And this is also why you are instructed in the verse 2 Cor 6:14 not to be unequally yoked. The most miserable place in life is when God tells YOU to do something, but an unequally-yoked spouse is in opposition! It’s tormenting! You can’t go forward. And this was never in the plan of God.
Singles, it is SO important that you get a Believer as a mate – for only then can God give you as a Couple your True Identity and “your destination” as a Couple. You both need the Holy Spirit to speak to you individually even when married! Because this is how God will “bring agreement” and take you out of “disagreement”! Otherwise, you will “tie each other up” – so to speak. An example… if a man believed he was called by God to pastor a church in another state…and the woman is living now near her family and wants to stay put at her own job. At the present time, they are in disagreement on this big decision. What do they do? They pray and wait, and each must hear God. Her response must not come from “her flesh” but from what the Lord desires. But if he can’t wait, and feels the call of God very strongly, then God would “expect” the woman to come alongside her husband… He making the final decision that would indeed affect them both. Still, if he was wise, and doesn’t want lasting troubles with his wife who is not in agreement, yet, he may end up telling them he must delay until his household is in agreement and then prayerfully wait for the Holy Spirit to change his wife’s mind. You see, she may actually be a checks and balances to him, too! Maybe the timing is just not right. Maybe what the man was believing wasn’t God after all. This is why God must lead you as One and you must stay in unity. In this case, the key is not “what do I want” for either of them, but how is God leading them as a couple. God is so good, to reveal his will, to both parties, if they are both believers desiring to please Him.
Singles, because “who you marry” is the most important adult decision you make, second to making Christ the Lord of our lives, this is an area of intense warfare, especially for “those on the fence” in whether they’ll date unbelievers. The safest way to proceed, therefore, is to establish your own True Identity in the Lord, so you can go forward in victory! We attract those who are as we are. If you’re wild, you’ll attract someone wild. If you’re loose, you’ll attract someone loose. If you can take or leave God in regard to his importance in your life, you will attract the same in a mate. If you’re deeply committed to God, you will attract someone deeply committed to God.
I ask you to please be alert. Determine your commitment to God as a single… before you date. Be strong in the Lord and wait for the one He has chosen specifically for you… for He knows who they are… already… and is preparing them to love you too! Isn’t that awesome! He is a specific God with specific purposes and plans, if you’ll just trust him.
Now, I’m going to take you back to a verse I already mentioned, so you can read it again…and then The Spirit is going to take us in a totally different direction for a moment. The remaining part of the article is more for those that need to have Light to know “God’s established will for Couples.”
Matthew 19:4-6
“Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
From looking at this perfect plan that God has for Couples, as spoken from the lips of the Son of God himself, we see clearly that Christ Jesus is specifying “male and female” isn’t He?
So, we then also can clearly see that which was “warned about” at the beginning of the last chapter on True Identity. Satan and his established “World System” has been dictating to people their identity, rather than The Creator doing so. This comes to pass because there is a void left in people’s hearts, who have not yet been reconciled to God through Christ. There is a void that only The Holy Spirit can fill in the human soul! Yet many are trying to fill it “with a false identity”, one “planted within them by the Enemy of their soul” … an identity that the Lord never gave them.
Christ our Savior clearly establishes that God made his creation male and female. And it will always and forever remain His Plan that marriage is only when a male and a female come together in holy matrimony. This is the only union that he considers One Flesh. This is the only kind of couple that HE WILL LEAD into THEIR True Identity as A Couple.
We, therefore, realize that its Satan who has led people into alternative lifestyles and relationships that not only hurt the persons involved… damaging their relationships on every level and robbing them of the joy of procreation…but this “leading them astray” is meant to hurt God too! It is in direct opposition to God’s Plan for Man.
God has a real enemy! And therefore, so do you and I… for we are all His Creation. And he loves each one of us too. He loves everyone!
On the other hand, Satan wants to “take out” any person, that could become a potential couple and thereafter a family, that He can. We all see it… and we all know it… if we are honest with ourselves. His attack is on the family, because usually if one in a household becomes a born-again Christian, they all come into the Kingdom, due to the family unit. We must not be ignorant of God’s Enemy’s tactics! We must not side against God in the promoting of these tactics either.
I Peter 5:8 says:
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
Those who practice alternative lifestyles, have been “robbed” of their “true identity” and “have received a lie”, that God, The Creator of Heaven and Earth, “made a mistake” with them… and “that they weren’t normal”. They were given “confusion” by the Enemy, instead of “true identity” by their Creator. But friends, God doesn’t make junk! He doesn’t make mistakes! He doesn’t lead people into lifestyles contrary to what he has established by His Own Word.
Isaiah 45:9-13 warns of those who quarrel with their Maker:
“Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? Or thy work, He hath no hands? Woe unto him that saith unto his father, What begettest thou? Or to the woman, What has thou brought forth? Thus, saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me. I have made the earth, and created man upon it. I, even my hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their hosts have I commanded. I have raised him up in righteousness, and I will direct all his ways: he shall build my city, and he shall let go my captives, not for price nor reward, saith the LORD of Hosts.”
He is basically saying, “I made you. I’m the potter, you are but my clay. And you have no standing to quarrel with me about how I’ve made you. I desire you to accept yourself as I have created you. Anything else, that gives you an identity other than what I, your Maker, give you is from the Evil One.”
Yes, the Lord addresses some Deep Deception in this chapter, and He ends with verses 21b- 24, giving this message to all mankind:
“And there is no God else beside me; a Just God and a Saviour; there is none beside me.”
“Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.”
“I have sworn by myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return… That unto me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear.
Surely, shall one say, in the LORD have I righteousness and strength: even to him shall men come; and all that are incensed against him shall be ashamed.
He says He alone is God several times in the chapter, and to him shall men come. This is his desire for everyone. But did you note His Warning in the last verse?
He warns “and all that are incensed against him shall be ashamed.”
Satan wants mankind incensed against God! It’s his strategy!
He wants us incensed against one another! It’s his strategy!
Friends, we are in a war between good and evil… between God’s way or Satan’s way…
And even though modern man wants to do without “this kind of talk” … it is the truth, whether we’d like to ignore it or not. Amen?!
Many… having never known True Identity, in God and Christ…have fallen into Deep Deception; and I’m not only talking about those who practice these things… but those who do not speak out against their error…and even take pleasure in them that do them. (See Romans 1:32)
If you believe that God could favor marriage between women, and marriage between men, or could favor a person changing the gender their Creator gave them… then you are in Deep Deception. The same is true of those who believe living together in fornication is okay! Or having an extra-marital affair is normal! Or being unequally yoked doesn’t matter.
These are the serious things that go against God’s True Identity for Individuals and for Couples!
And they do carry a heavy cost: The cost of one’s eternal life.
1 Corinthians 6:9, in the Amplified Bible, reads:
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, adulterers, nor perversely effeminate, nor homosexuals (abusers of themselves with mankind), nor thieves, nor the greedy(covetous), nor drunkards, nor revilers (whose words are used as weapons to abuse, insult, humiliate, intimidate, or slander), nor extortioners (swindlers) will inherit or have any share in the Kingdom of God.”
The World shouts, “Love is love.” Yet the word says, God is Love. Therefore, Love only operates as it should operate when God is in the mix.
1 John 5:2 says:
“By this we know that we love the children of God (i.e., others), when we love God, and keep his commandments.”
The greatest kind of love we can give is “truthful” love. The scripture says in Romans 12:9,
“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.”
If enough believers would be honest with those who have gone astray from their Creator’s Way, and warn them and love on them, then maybe they’d desire change. I pray that you will “see for yourself” this departure from the Creator…The Maker of us all… and guard your own heart against the acceptance of alternative lifestyles. We can condemn the sin…yet, let us continue to love everyone trapped in that sin.
I’m so glad that the Lord loves us all and wants to save anyone who will call on His Name, so He doesn’t have to judge them. He’d rather have us pray for and save others, then to be hateful toward them. So even as I’m addressing this matter, know that I’m not trying to be harsh, but loving to you all. I am believing truth spoken in love carries great power, and God can bring people back to himself.
Those who practice alternative lifestyles apart from God’s plan for couples are not In Christ, and are therefore not yet saved. They cannot know the joy of their True Identity until they call out to the Lord Jesus to save them and take them out of the pit their own choices put them into. AND HE WILL! It is the Blood of Jesus that saves, and God can forgive and turn around anyone’s life that turns to him. I promise! I’ve seen it! If you want to Be His and Be Righteous…He will make a way! Yes, even where there seems no way. His forgiveness is deep and wide, and he can wipe your sin completely away and give you your True Identity! And He can then bring to you another person who is His to become a Couple too. You can receive Forgiveness…. Love… Healing of the inner wounds of your soul that gave Satan an inroad into own life in the first place… and Acceptance! Not the acceptance of sin, but the acceptance of YOU! This is your blessing in Christ! If you are feeling a tugging at your heart, I invite you… It is time to come to Jesus – It is time to receive your True Identity.
Do not delay. Christ is coming soon! We all can sense it. Ephesians 1:6 says, “He has made us ACCEPTED in the beloved.” He wants to save you, not judge you. He will accept you.
So, to close, let me reiterate:
You have a True Identity… and when God brings you to a mate…you AS A COUPLE also have a True Identity… a purpose…and a destination! And if not already known it is to be discovered! And that identity is discovered from relationship with Your Creator through Christ Jesus! He created you “with a purpose” – “with a significance” – with the “love and forethought” of a Master Designer! He knows “who” you are, and he created you “the way you are”.
He knows who he desires to join you with for His purposes…or He’ll delight in having you serve him as A Single. If this is the case, he will give you a sweet contentment in that situation. And you will have “singleness of focus” which is indeed an amazing thing to God!
The Lord loves you so much he is having you read this so you can be spoken to by His Spirit. If you are already in an unequally yoked marriage of male and female, you can still find your own identity in God and Christ and live, as much as it has to do with you, in love and peace with your spouse. God can intervene as He desires, if you will but trust Him. Many an unsaved spouse, has become saved, due to the love and righteousness of the Believer. I counsel you to pray on all matters in this situation. Only the Spirit of God is able to lead you aright.
If you are reading this and need to leave an alternative lifestyle marriage that God has not put together, then you need not worry about putting it asunder. Establish your own identity in God and then let Him lead you out. It may be your partner can receive Christ too, and God will keep you both as great friends as you go forward into the “new plans” that God has for you both. I’ve seen it happen. Several verses of scripture tell us what may be impossible to man, is possible with God. Hallelujah! He can restore anyone’s life! And fill you with his Spirit.
If you’re living in fornication, marry if she or he is clearly God’s choice of a lifetime mate. If you don’t know, then get out now. It could cost you your eternal life.
Any adulterers… stop, repent, and return unto the Lord and your spouse. It could cost you your eternal life.
If “it’s complicated”, remember, it isn’t to the Lord. Repent and let him lead you forward, forgiven.
Couples, it’s never too late, if you have breath, to “come into that which he has gotten hold of you for”. Amen?!
I leave you with this verse to ponder:
Philippians 3:12 NKJV
“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.”
He is laying hold of you today.
Will you lay hold of that for which He has laid hold of you?
Your True Identity?
PS. I invite you…if you have come to realize your own need for a Savior…you can be saved from the Enemy’s plots against you, and given eternal life, and newness in this life! God loves you so very much. If you feel a tug upon your heart, let me tell you why only Jesus Christ can save you and why he’s the only way to God. Come To Christ – Click Here to Learn about Salvation.