Chapter 9: Communication Keys: How to Listen and Speak
Our earlier verse from Ephesians 4:29 applies here, as far as edification and building up others…and most of us know how to build up others, so I want to focus on our not speaking attack or judgment.
First let’s talk of attack or judgment toward the unbelievers, the wicked, the unjust:
I want to share this verse from Proverbs 29:27…
“An unjust man is an abomination to the just: and he that is upright in the way is abomination to the wicked.”
Basically, what this verse is saying is that Believers in Christ and the wicked and unjust people are always and forever going to be at odds, because one translation says the just abhor the wicked, and the wicked loathe them that are in the right way. Yikes! Yikes, abhor and loathe are very strong verbs describing how we feel toward one another.
So, of course, both parties are going to “want to” speak attack and judgment due to this animosity. However, we are being instructed here, by the Holy Spirit, to NOT SPEAK attack or judgment.
Ephesians 4:26-27 says:
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.”
We “sin not” by NOT SPEAKING our anger out!
This evil world can and will make us mad, because we love the Lord and evil men totally disregard His right as Creator to dictate to them… and they are ignoring the plan of salvation that they have free will to receive. Not only that, but their evil is affecting us all, for they’re putting society under Satan’s domain, not God’s. The results are horrific!
However, my friends, how will they ever know the Love of God, and the fact that He is “offering them salvation” through Christ if we are speaking attack and judgment toward them? We negate love. We push them away from The Savior, instead of bringing them toward Christ.
The Lord taught me a long time ago now, that the unsaved will live like the unsaved, because they do not have Christ living within them to do otherwise. Our putting our “code of ethics”, our “morals”, or our “knowledge of the Word” on them, doesn’t accomplish much, if anything.
It is Christ who must draw them to understand that they need Him, and only He, by His Spirit, can transform their lives through His Word.
Yes, we can speak general instructions in righteousness, and general warnings out to the world about sin and their need for Christ, but we must not aim attack or judgment at specific individuals, so that they would feel the “attack” of it and we’d hurt them. This is not Christ’s way, as revealed in the Gospels. He treated everyone with love and dignity.
I do want to share the following additional counsel from Ephesians 5 though, so please hear the full counsel of the Lord:
We are told in Ephesians 5:7…
“Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light.”
And we are told in verses 11-14, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.”
The instruction of these verses does not contradict his counsel to NOT speak attack or judgment, for his counsel regarding our speaking is in regard to how we address the sinner. These verses have to do with how we respond to and address the sin. Christians are to expose sin. From the verse above we see that we are to reprove the unfruitful works of darkness. We are to be light! With that light we expose darkness! Those who become acquainted with my ministry will note my music and my writings all “expose sin”, yet in doing so I’m not “attacking anyone specifically”. There is a really big difference…to God…and yet to the sinner, they may all interpret it “the same”. They feel they are being attacked. This is actually their own conscience. What we must be aware of though, is how God interprets that which we do or say. He doesn’t want anyone pushed away from the salvation He offers them. And He wants to free them from all darkness. Amen?! (smile) This is why we must “expose the sin” and “love the sinner”. With the Spirit’s leading, you will know the difference, and be given personal wisdom and love for communicating with all those you come into contact with that have not yet received Christ.
Now…
Let’s talk about the harm of speaking attack or judgment to our brethren within the Body of Christ:
Romans 14:4 says:
“Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.”
Do you hear what the Word just told you and I? Others are not accountable to you and I! They are only accountable to their master, who is The Lord! And He is also telling us that they will stand, for He is able to make them stand. This means we ought not to fret about what they’re doing or not doing! It’s none of our business!
How many of you parents “like it” if another set of parents “disciplines” your child? Not too many! Makes us mad! Why? Because that’s our job! They belong to us! They are accountable to us! So, too, we must remember this when we go to attack or judge one of our brothers and sisters. We must not interfere with God’s parenting of his own children. He is quite able to handle the responsibility… is He not?
Yes, leaders are “given authority” to bring correction to someone “under” their authority and to do this “in Jesus’ name”, but the average Christian toward another Christian is not given that authority.
The Lord has shown me over the years, that I should Pray For those who I see in sin or going down the wrong path… out of loving concern, not judgment. Then, if He leads me to lovingly confront, I can do this without hesitation, for I’ve been praying for them, and know I’m obeying the Holy Spirit, and then doing it from Love. It doesn’t always bring good results, but I know that I’ve obeyed, in those situations. You’ll know if you’re being “led” to help a brother see his condition, and not under fleshly judgment, because you won’t be quick to do it. It will be hard for you. You don’t want to alienate him or cause him to turn away from the Lord; Rather, you want them to draw nearer to the Lord.
Speaking Attack and Judgment, on the other hand, is usually done in the flesh, and not with a good attitude at all… and often from a prideful attitude.
I’ve discovered now… from experience… more often than not… my inner voice shouts “Mind Your Own Business!”…especially when I’ve paused enough to sense it to be a spirit of judgment rising up within me…i.e., a response not from the Holy Spirit. It is best to keep quiet and allow God to do what needs doing. If they are a Believer in Christ, they have an inner voice speaking to them…they don’t need to hear another’s, unless God instructs you to ‘lovingly confront’.
I’m going to give you an example: Many couples, even members of my own extended family, and close friends, profess to be Christians, but are living with someone out of wedlock. I know they are all too aware that they are living in sin. The Spirit could give me the permission or leading to rebuke them in love, doing so without attack or judgment, but I also know they aren’t ready. They would never receive my loving concern as anything but judgment. So, I pray and live by example. I ask God to bring an unbeliever into their world to say, “Hey, I thought you were Christians” or their surprise declaration to them, “Wow, I never realized you were a Christian”, so maybe an unbeliever’s rebuke to the couple will open up their eyes to how much they are compromising their faith and jeopardizing their own eternal security. Then they wouldn’t feel judged by a fellow believer and would be without rebellion against them.
It is love that dictates my choice to intercede in prayer for them, unless the Spirit would lead me to do otherwise. They are not accountable to me, and I usually don’t waste much time thinking about what they are doing or not doing. I simply pray, when the Spirit leads me to…and most times, I’ll intercede only once or twice, for my burden to intercede just lifts. I don’t then give them another thought. The Lord is quite able to handle things.
We all need to be Spirit-led in all our communications.
And our heart attitude we display toward others goes a long way in communications.
Most all people know when love is in operation versus judgment.
Something to keep in mind is this. This is the same counsel mentioned above in regard to unbelievers:
We may attack sin! We may judge sin! We may preach against it and warn. But we ought to do this without attack or judgment on the individual. The Heavenly Father has given people “a free will” and we must give them opportunity to come to repentance, without our attacking them…which could drive them further away. I dare say, many people were attacked and judged along life’s way… and this may be a main reason there are so many who have departed from the faith. They don’t really care what others think, period! But that’s because of hurt or hardened hearts.
We want them to care about what God thinks…don’t we. And we want them to know the love God has for them in Christ. Both matter to God and both ought to matter to us.
Even a Christian who attacks other denominations and names “names” within the Body of Christ is in grave danger, because The Word added a 7th abomination to the list of six things GOD HATES…and that 7th one is “he that soweth discord among brethren.” This warning is found in the passage of Proverbs 6:16-19, and is indeed vs 19b, which means it was the one added!
It makes God angry for anyone to attack anyone else within the Body of Christ! This sows discord! This is why every believer who has the Holy Spirit will feel a “cringe within” when he hears this type of attack aimed at a specific brother or sister in Christ or a particular denomination. Pay no mind, therefore, to what is being said, if someone is specific in his attacking one individual or one denomination, for it’s not of God! Yes, people can mention a falsehood, and warn regarding that…or point out sin committed… but must never sow discord among the brethren by being “their judge” and naming names…believing themselves to be in superiority over them. I tell you, that person or ministry, will be judged.