Chapter 4: Communication Keys: How to Listen and Speak
When I received this instruction, I was made aware that God looks out “for both parties” in a communication… in a relationship.
I was to stay aware that He Loved Me, but that He also Loved the Other Person. Basically, God was reminding me that “it wasn’t all about me”.
It was about “both of us”…and “both of us” receiving God’s best.
I was to approach a relationship or friendship according to “what I could ‘give’ that person”, not what “he or she” could give to me.
This whole concept of How To Listen is so important for Christians to grasp…especially in our world of narcissistic and evil people.
As I mentioned, I was in the dating season of my life when I received these communication keys. This one in particular was “a protection” for me, for it made me observant and mindful in my communications with a potential mate. By becoming aware of others’ manipulation or control issues, whether they craved constant attention, struggled with empathy, were jealous, had troubles with more intimate conversations, etc… I was able to “protect myself” because I was aware of God’s Love For Me. I was alerted by the Spirit in warnings without suspicion on my part. And, because He gave me value of myself, I wasn’t going to give myself to someone who was living an “all about me” life. I wanted to give, and I wanted a giver too.
Then I, being aware of God’s Love For That Person… whether we clicked or not, enabled me to be a good listener, and to be kind. I’d be open and honest. I’d care genuinely about what they were sharing with me about themselves… their aspirations, goals, etc. I helped where I could with edification, encouragement, and involvement in activities. In other words, communicating with them with awareness of knowing how much God loved them. Aware also that He’d hold “me accountable” if I hurt them. I was able to “give of myself” without being threatened in any way, because I knew God would be looking out for each of us. Even with breaking up with a few men along the way, I tried to be sensitive and kind, because I knew God loved them.
This communication key, can apply to regular friendships, family relationships, co-worker interaction, etc. LISTEN to them with “God’s love for them” residing in your heart… Knowing He loves you too.
In Mark 12:31 Jesus tells us:
“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”
After Jesus shared how we should love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength…he shared this second commandment. This shows its importance!
You must realize love for yourself, i.e., that you are loved by God so you can love yourself (neither narcissism nor self-hatred). The more secure in yourself of “being loved”, even in process with your imperfections… the more you can then love the other person too.
Now hear me: We aren’t to receive uneasy, threatening-to-our-person, abusive people into our lives when it is in our power to “not be involved with them”. Poor self-esteem tells you you don’t have a choice. This is a lie. You are to avoid someone selfish or cruel, be it male or female, friend or potential mate. You do not want to get into a relationship with someone who would abuse you. You have the right to stay distant from unlovable people, to protect yourself, because God loves you. Do you hear? Even if you “leave the relationship” you can still love them in a Jesus way, meaning you do them no harm. God has rescued many a woman or man when abuse is “one-sided”. I’ve seen it, and I’ve known it.
If you are already married, and in an abusive relationship, seek help from a godly pastor, counselor, or social worker. God loves you, and he loves your mate, and He WILL bring forth a solution, or a rescue, depending upon the cooperation of your mate. You are not in a “hopeless” situation. God sees! God will intervene!
If we can listen, in love for the other person, and have love for ourselves, this combination in our communications will enable us to have good relationships, as the Holy Spirit is relied upon. He will reveal. He will heal.
AS WE LISTEN, we are instructed to be aware of GOD’S LOVE for another person. Why? Because this will affect how We Love Them.
Why? Because God’s Love abiding within us gives us love for them!
I Cor 13:4-8 gives insight into what God’s kind of love looks like. Let The Word guide you.